Diary of Yuki
by mimi-loves-iggy
Summary: Yuki and Shuichi songfic. Shuichi thinks about him and Yuki's relationship after a fight. Warning: BoyXBoy, language and sexual refferences. I suck at summaries


_And I don't mind  
If you say this love is the last time  
So now I'll ask  
Do you like that?  
Do you like that?_

"I'm sick of you get out of my face." Yuki growled at me. He'd been in a bad mood all day, he's always in a bad mood.

"I love you" I say, already knowing his reply. It's always the same. I know he doesn't love me, but I love him so much it hurts. Yuki you say your going to leave one day and I know you will. Nothing good can stay this way forever. No relationship is perfect but I can keep pretending it is.  
"Whatever, just leave. The only person I loved is dead and you know that. I'm never going to love you so get that through your thick skull and leave." He replies after a long pause. In my mind I pretend like he's lying, but something inside of me is screaming that it's the truth.

"Fuck you" I say something inside of me snaping. I can't take this anymore. I strom from the room, and lay down on the couch bursting into tears. We both know I won't leave. I'm not brave, I never will be.

_Something's getting in the way.  
Something's just about to break.  
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.  
So tell me how it should be._

I love you, Yuki dammit! Why won't you love me. Your past is stopping you from moving on and I'm sick of it! You'll never get over it. We'll just be stuck in this twisted relationship forever. Never really feeling love or anything close to it.

Something inside of me is breaking. I can feel it. I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't stop loving you. If you can call it love. It's more like torture. I want love, but I know it's not going to happen. I'm stuck.

I want to get into your heart. I want to melt the ice. It's impossible though. I want to get in your head. I want you to think of me like I think of you. So I'll try and try. Always failing. You'll break me into a million pieces, never to be repaired and I won't care.

_Try to find out what makes you tick.  
As I lie down  
Sore and sick.  
Do you like that?  
Do you like that?  
_

I lay down listening to you type. In my perfect world you would come in and apoligize. You would kiss me and tell me you love me, but this is reality. Your not going to apoligize. I'll be lucky if you talk to me in the morning.

My eyes burn from crying and I'm tired. I lie there staring up at the ceiling. Why are you like this? Can't you at least pretend to love me. I laugh bitterly at the idea of you trying to make someone other than youself happy. If I died I could at least be happy, but I don't have the guts to kill myself.

Maybe you'd feel bad if I died. I wonder would you like that, Yuki? Maybe then you'd love me. Just like that damn Kitazawa. If you died would the pain go away? I quickly push that thought away.

_There's a fine line between love and hate.  
And I don't mind.  
Just let me say that  
I like that  
I like that  
_

Our relationship is twisted. That's the only way to descride it, Yuki this is your fault for finding my lyrics in the park. If you would have stayed home I would have never met you. You would have never insulted my lyrics. I would have no reason to pursue you.

I wish I could lead a normal life, but I know I never will. You consume me. My feeling border on hate. I can't stop though. I'll stay with you forever in this twisted web we have. We'll fight. We'll make up and then We'll have sex. It goes on in a never ending cycle.

I don't mind though. I like every minute of it. As long as I'm near you it's okay. I like the pain you cause me it reminds me of reality and for a second I forget about my fantasy. Sometimes I can hate, but it never lasts though. It never will. I'll love you till the day I die.

_Desperate, I will crawl  
Waiting for so long  
No love, there is no love.  
Die for anyone  
What have I become?_

I'm desprate for your love, even though there is none. I wait for it forever, but it'll never come. I'd die for you, even though I hate you. I'm nothing to you, but your my everything. I walk into your bedroom knowing that if I apoligize you might want to have sex with me. You'll be mad and it'll hurt, but I don't care. Your love is everything I need and as long as I have that I'll be happy.

"Yuki, Gomenasai. I should have left you alone. Gomenasai." I say walkin toward you. You sneer at me. Your eyes are full of lust and anger.

"Get your ass over here." You growl and pull me towards you and begin to rip my clothes off. So the cycle starts again.

**AN: My third time writing a Gravitation story :) This is my favorite. The words. Slight language and hints at sex. It's a songfic to the song Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin. The words in ittalic are the lyrics.**

**I OWN NOTHING. If I did there would be more angst and sex :)**


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